Sorry love, I don't babysit.

Does this darkness have a name? What is this hatred that has stolen into my life? All I seem to be doing lately is getting angry and I never get angry. I'd say it takes a very special person to piss me off two days in a row. Someone I can baffle with GCSE English alone. Sorry love, I don't babysit.
Apparently I am a player. According to the girl with a boyfriend who I pulled the other night. I take this personally. I haven't played anyone for over a year. I haven't hurt anyone purposely for over a year. I haven't done anything wrong, I'm just alive and breathing and walking through this life like I should be doing. I don't want to hurt anyone. What am I supposed to do? I don't have to validate myself to anyone and I know that, because some people there's no talking to. Of course it was me that was the player. Me being completely single, I can do what I want when I want, she's got a boyfriend, break or not. So what does that make her.
I'm really eaten up by this. Its a nerve. I'm not a player. I'm not a fucking player. I don't fuck people about. I don't leave all of one persons hope hanging on one thread just to cut them down mid speech. I used to be that person. Not anymore. I used to be a bitch, I used to hurt people on purpose because I was hurting and sure, maybe Friday was one of the biggest mistakes of my life and sure old habits appeared. But all night I had my friend drunk hanging off my neck asking me if I was alright, because she could see it in my face that I wasn't.
I'm not a player. I admit it was wrong to go there. It was wrong to let Friday happen at all. Alright, chalked up another mistake on the board, I'm only human, this happens on a regular basis. Fate's decided for me that I'm destined to be alone for a while. Maybe I am just better off alone. Can you blame me for needing a little human contact? And she was most definitely a mistake, immature to the last. I think she was expecting me to fall madly in love with her the minute she said she was on a break with her boyfriend and when I didn't live up to her expectations threw all of her toys out of the pram.
I even told her of my situation. And she reminded me so much of an ex, she just didn't listen.
Anyway. I'm so angry lately. But its kind of a good thing, because it means I've got more fight. And am refusing to be pushed around by the likes of that child. She might 'like' me after three days but she doesn't know me and I need a woman not a child. Oh and there's a small matter of: *bursts into song* If I cant have you.
Yeah, I know, roll your eyes at me and tell me to get over it. Coming back to my first post, I'm stunned at how true it really is: You will not like me. And if think you do it will be because you can get something from me, or because you believe you can. Funny, funny days, I astound even myself sometimes.
So whats the plan now? Today... I think I'm going to have a wander on my own and then I'll just find where my feet take me. Because I don't have to do anything and I feel okay. I feel more myself today.