Lord knows it would be the first time.

I am tired today, more then I usually am. Because last night a friend decided to invite herself round for the night and insisted on sharing my bed. Needless to say it wasn't the best nights sleep.
I am enjoying this hermit business. Its nice having so much time to myself, to drift around doing what I please. So far any plans I've made to leave my house have been spontaneous, usually made a few hours before hand, any plans that have been made longer then a few hours seem to fall through. But I've given up caring. Sure it fucks me off a little, but I got used to a best friend who became unreliable the minute she had a girlfriend, so why should any body else be any different. People let you down. Constantly. Its in their nature. And women seem to have this notion that you can read there minds and know exactly whats going on when they tell you diddily bumfluff and make you fight to have a conversation with them.
And no words like 'sorry' and 'love you' don't fix it. They don't make everything alright. Actions speak louder then words.
I know I talk most of the time like I'm not a woman. I rant endlessly about women, but seriously boys, we don't understand them anymore then you do. Over the last few weeks, I've realised no gender is better off, no description of sexual binary is any different. No one knows what they want. And if they do there lying. At the core we're all the same, some people wish themselves into a comfortable lives, some people settle for less to feel wanted, some people just can't be alone, others there just stuck in the past and can't get out of it, and there are a few who just want everyone regardless of who they hurt. And those rare few, the few that stick to there other halves, well really, all I can say is some have it lucky. Not mentioning all those people that are hurting so bad there going through hurricane season and destroying everyone in there path.
And all those single people out there who've given up on finding anyone, because the of the simple truth: I hate being alone, but the other option hurts too much. Your not really alone, because if everyone's alone together then we've all got each other. Maybe that's not comforting, because I certainly don't find it comforting. When your alone your alone no matter what. You come into the world with nothing and you leave with nothing but big angry gashes in the fabric of who you are and bruises all over your heart.
But this life business is for learning. Its for discovering a little bit of who you are, who people are and what this life really is. So surely that adventure is worth hurting for. If we're alone now, it won't be forever. Because it never is forever. Maybe this is all just wishful thinking. But lately, I've done a lot of thinking more then I usually do.
I'm starting to wonder just exactly how I got here. Because the entire of the last six months has merged into one, the last twelve months is beyond me. This time last year I was blissfully happy. Or at least, I was kidding myself into that. How did I get here...? I can still remember picking up my results from school like it was yesterday. And feeling so empty because I knew that was the day it would all change and my entire life was about to become chaotic.
Somehow I knew I'd fluff college. Somehow I doubt I'll ever use what I'm doing. I was meant to be amazing. I was meant to be the prodigal child. Where did that go really? Since when did I turn into such a bum with no future prospects? People forget, that it was my dream to go to university too, even though I never really got anywhere near it.
I do wish I knew where I'm going to end up, but as per usual, I'm just going to have to follow my feet and find out. It is just waiting for me to find it after all.

Skin divers day... 4? I think: The right one is a little red and a little tender, because I caught it in the night. The left, redness has completely gone, not as tender, still a little bruised but other then that fine. Two of the easiest piercings to have, no mess, no weeping. I forget they are there half the time. Looking forward to my next two to finish it off.
Am thinking, some day I'll get 'If you want peace prepare for war' written in Latin across my stomach between them. Maybe. When I'm certain I'm never giving birth to children and am rich and famous and can afford to be covered.
Someday.