Buggeration

Currently I'm completely addicted to a song, by Massive Attack, covered by Elbow - Teardrop. I'm not even sure why. Its just the beat of my walking, its my secret resolve on how the world works.
I decided a few minutes ago while making my breakfast, that given the choice to relive the last four months, I'd have done it in exactly the same order, but been a lot more vocal in which why I felt. I decided last night its something I need to work on. I'm so good at convincing the world I'm fine or I'm just being distant and kept to myself that actually, there's a lot I miss out on. But on the other hand, I'm too disbelieving of the worlds intentions. The fundamental law I run on is 'not of this world', 'somewhere else', 'some other time when the grass was really green and not grey'. Maybe because of this Bohemian Spirit, my ability to connect with reality is suffering. I know it has of late, I have been so far away all of the time, not much can bring me down back to earth.
I've also decided that porridge is one of those things man has forsaken. Its simple oats, milk sugar/honey/jam. I'm very aware I don't eat enough in the morning, this is a rarity, but I need more then just nutella on toast this morning. More then just rocket fuel. Central heating for kids, as they say.
From one blogger to a reader, here's a little secret that I never quite knew about until last night: I am appallingly bad with emotion. Shock horror! Now it sheds some light on the earth! This would be the reason for heaven and earth! The lack of capacity to deal with myself and the horrible niggling at me depression that comes and goes in a manic fashion.
Buggeration. I knew I was going wrong somewhere.
Or maybe the answer just isn't in my grasp to know. Because I am a little unsure of just where I mess up, sometimes I guess I give to much to one person and others its not enough...? Maybe I'll never know.