I'm trying to find real insight into myself tonight. Its failing badly, because all I can think about revolved around the same subjects and I'm a little tired of thinking. Tonight I have the ground under my feet again, instead of being ten feet up in the air. I'm feeling a little safer, a little more secure. I went out and didn't drink. Its okay right now, I'm in control of what I'm doing. I've got a good hand in this poker game.
I found this tonight: The breaking of a wave cannot explain the whole sea. One action does not explain the whole affair. One reaction doesn't explain the whole truth. I'm a little tired of hearing about me, hearing all the nonsense about right and wrong and up and down and all those little details I'd rather forget. I want to go to sleep for a few months wake up when its over.
I'd like someone to do this great amazing thing, that nobody ever does, and ask me what it is exactly that I want and to tick every box. I'm so full of longing and heartache recently. Its sickening. But that's the problem with being me, I always seem to be the long shot that always happens last or not at all.
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