Amplified silence

Shall we peal back and stop being angry. Currently my feet ache, because I came into the good fortune of aquiring a pair of dr marten boots. My mate had dyed them black but I took it upon myself to spend a good two and a half hours scraping the majority off to reveal the beautiful green colour beneath. Currently they look rather good. They just need new laces and apparently new soles.
I've managed to burn and blister my mouth on my dinner. But today I had a chat with the girl thats causing me all of this agro. I find that the convictions and reasons I had in the morning fade by the afternoon and some sort of reason, reason of another kind appears. Rational thought returns. I am forced to remember my prespective is amplified. A whisper translates as a bellow. The hint of emotion is like a sledge hammer hitting me in the face.
I keep forgetting this. I'm overly sensitive. Just breathe. Relax. Stop worrying. Its part of my problem.

So lets frighten ourself. Lets research.
Lets look at the bbc website 'BBC > health > conditions> mental health> bipolar'

Bipolar (also known as manic depression) causes severe mood swings, that usually last several weeks or months and can be:

• Low mood, intense depression and despair.
• High or ‘manic’ feelings of joy, over-activity and loss of inhibitions.
• A 'mixed state' such as a depressed mood with the restlessness and over-activity of a manic episode.

So okay we can deal with this. Severe mood swings, yes this is very true. Low mood intense depression and despair... totally. High or 'manic' feelings of joy, over... yeah.... that's pretty much spot on. 'mixed state' yes all of this I can deal with.
It goes on to say its gene related... stress related and physical problems with the brain systems which control mood. Okay... this I can also deal with.

Depression:

• Feelings of unhappiness that won’t go away
• Agitation and restlessness
• Loss of confidence
• Feeling useless, inadequate or hopeless
• Unable to think positively
• Can't concentrate or make even simple decisions
• Loss of appetite
• Sleeping problems including waking early in the morning
• Lack of interest in sex
• Avoiding other people
• Thoughts of suicide

Mania

• General elation
• Feeling more important than usual
• Full of energy or ideas; moving quickly from one idea to another
• Unable, or don't want to sleep
• More interested than usual in sex
• Making unrealistic plans
• Overactive, talking quickly
• Irritable with other people who can't go along with your mood or ideas
• Spending money recklessly

So symptoms the nasty bit. I'm just going to bold the ones that appear frequently in my life. Yes.... mmm. Nasty nasty.

Psychotic Symptoms

If a mood swing becomes very severe, you may have 'psychotic’ symptoms. These include:

• When depressed, you feel guilty, worse than anybody else, or even that you don't exist.
• When manic, you may feel you’re on an important mission or you have special powers or abilities.
• You might also experience hallucinations - when you hear, smell, feel or see something that isn’t there.

Soo.... how many of these have we had. Guilty beyond belief... yes, completely, its always my fault. Manic... important mission? No I don't get that so much.... special powers... er... yes.... more so I believe I'm an invincible godlike creature that can take on anything.
Lovely. How fun it is to research.

Treatment (with notes)

There are three groups of mood stabilisers, which can take several months to work properly.

• Lithium is used to treat both manic and depressive episodes. It can be harmful if the dose is too high, so regular blood tests are needed. Side-effects include feeling thirsty, passing lots of urine and weight gain. (Scary scary)
  
• Anticonvulsants - used in epilepsy.
• ‘Atypical’ antipsychotics - used to treat schizophrenia. (Even scarier that schizophrenia is an irrational fear)
  

Psychological treatments can be particularly helpful in between episodes of mania or depression. They include:

• Psychoeducation – finding out more about bipolar disorder
• Mood monitoring – to help you pick up when your mood is swinging
• Mood strategies – to help you stop your mood swings going into a full-blown manic or depressive episode
• Developing general coping skills
• Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) for depression (Oh lovely really.)
  

Self help treatments can help with episodes of bipolar, including:

• Recognising the signs that your mood is swinging out of control so you can get help early.
• Finding out as much as you can about the condition.
• Avoiding particularly stressful situations.
• Having at least one person that you can rely on and confide in. When you’re well, make sure that they understand about bipolar disorder.
• Balancing your life, work, leisure-time and relationships.
• Exercising for 20 minutes or so, three times a week, should improve your mood.
• Doing things you enjoy.

Right. A few things to take into account. Starting to exercise to try and balance my mood avoiding stressful situations? Emotionally stressful particularly I'm guessing and currently any pressure is a big no no considering it makes my brain explode into little tiny bits.

Helping someone with bipolar disorder
When someone is depressed, it can be difficult to know what to say. They may see everything in a negative light and not be able to say what they want you to do. Listen and be patient and understanding. During mania, the person will appear to be happy, energetic or outgoing, but the excitement of any social situations will tend to push their mood even higher. Try to steer them away from parties or heated discussions, and try to persuade them to get help. In between mood episodes, find out more about bipolar disorder. Go to appointments with them (if they’re happy for you to do this) and make sure you give yourself space and time to recharge your batteries.

So this is what the bbc says. In case you were wondering.