Funky if your nasty darlin'

Good morning, or afternoon... so last night I was hit by a mental train. As I usually am. I felt flooded and empty and needed company to drink my sorrows into oblivion and have a laugh. Oddly enough that didn't really happen as I expected.
Went to my regular and sat with a pint at the bar, cider before you ask, and let myself feel that grief finally let myself feel a little bit of ache and it was more then a little bit. But its okay. Its okay to ache. I ended up going to a mates house and sitting with an old friend and we talked and I decided privately that I was just feeling a little put out because of the volume of change.
An hour or two is a sacred thing when you just need a few kind words and to be told it'll all be alright and you will get through. I know this already, but I needed to hear it from someone else. I haven't been alright for a long time, longer then the past week or two or month. Pretty much every one's guessed this by now from my posts. But I'm doing well, I'm not in two week cycles of breaking down at college on various tutors. Which is something I really want to leave behind and never face again. I have sat at some of my lowest moments in rooms at college covered in tears and shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. This is not something I'd have ever expected to happen.
Yeah, I'm doing very well, bringing it back, putting more control over myself, not such a mess, not such a train wreak. Touch wood, just sorting it.
Someone I met, in October... September time last year said something to me last night that really took me by surprise. I was surprised that it came out of her out of everyone in the room. We'll just call her Ralph for the purpose of writing said conversation:
RALPH: You'll get through
ME: Yeah I know, its just getting there.
RALPH: That road is only as long as you make it.
!?! Hang about. Did I hear that right. That little gem of wisdom came out of YOU!?! This is the girl who I took great interest in because of her musical ability, always being chained to a guitar and singing sweet lyrics that really tugged at my heart strings to the point of distraction. We had a short encounter and after this I decided she lacked any depth and internal intimacy with her emotion. But this, completely proved me wrong. Under that rugged, tomboy, mouthy exterior was some depth, a well hidden depth but there none the less.
And this, was exactly what I needed to hear. That road is only as long as you make it.
So I'm trying a new thing. I'm accepting the unknown and all of its flaws and faults and scary terrors that lurk in dark corners. I'm accepting failure. I'm accepting loss and the impression of being completely forgotten and replaced. I'm accepting all of this and have come to this one little insignificant detail. I really don't care. I don't give a damn how vile it is or will be. My world is not over with. There's far worse that has happened and I really don't care about this. It happened. Shit happens.
I'm okay. I'm aching from exercising everyday since who knows when. I'm really aching from jogging yesterday. And sure there might be a little ache inside my ribcage, but she's okay really cos she knew better then to get to far in this time, she knew better then to give herself away.
Maybe this means I'm starting to catch on. Maybe I'm starting to break the habit and learn. Just maybe, I'm starting to get it. Maybe finally, its actually sinking in. Which is a reason to smile.