Okay...

So I never did too well at staying away from a perfectly good outlet.
So. First question: How do you feel? A mixture of a lot of things thank you. Second question: Whats life looking like for you? Gained a few inches I suppose. Still an angry bugger. Still demending. Still needy. Still alive.
Have you ever got to the point where you just want to be heard... you keep saying the words but there not really going anywhere and the words you are saying are all the wrong ones and then you find yourself kicking yourself up the arse because everything your saying isn't really you at all. Well thats what I feel like. Think its just about time to stop speaking and start writing it all down. In one way or another.
Come on you pissing titbag what the hell are you doing!!?! I feel so much like I'm banging my head against a brick wall and blood's starting to come out of my ears. And the wall isn't anyone else but myself. I'm rushing too much. Keep snow balling. Need to bloody stop it. Need a bloody kick up the arse and a reality check.
Okay okay okay. Its fine there's a lot of stress there... your not good with stress. What else? I'm terrified things are happening beyond my control. Okay firstly (a conversation purely for myself) your not in control of anything darling. Secondly if things are going to happen there going to happen so stop worrying stop. Right now. Stop it! Thirdly. Be good to yourself. If your winding yourself up about a stupid thing like that then your clearly damaging yourself to begin with! Yeah and I know you can't really sit down and have a conversation with yourself and tell yourself exactly what your doing wrong and explain how to fix it. And I know that somethings are just built into your personality. But really babe. Really. You are on the verge of loosing it all if you do not stop and THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!? Head connecting with wall please. Really!?! Why are we even having this conversation you know what your doing so why are you doing it?! Your frightened thats fine your entitled to be but the only person your really hurting here is yourself. Hell if your not on the verge of loosing it all you already have just because your a bloody bone head and won't listen to reason. Come on now. Your not this person. This is not you. You should not have turned into this person. Come on. Fix it now. You don't get an infinate number of chances and guess what matey your running out of them. Your arguments are solid yes you don't know whats going on, shes not letting you be there, shes pushing you away, you want to make it all better, you want to know what the right thing to say is, you want to be there, you want to feel like she can't breathe without you. But just stop right there and remember she's got a life too. And think about her priorities and exactly who it is she's really going to listen to. And really your a shitbag mate! COME ON!!!?! Don't lie down and just let her walk all over you but at least TRY and be bloody understanding!!?! And no more self loathing and self pity! You can do that in your own time just not around her! So your going to sort yourself out your going to be calmer, your going to respond like NORMAL people do to things and your going to stop being so bloody volitile otherwise we're really going to have words my friend. Put all your dangerous bang bang chaos chaos screamy scream shit in a box! And only open that box when you are a) being creative b) exercising!!? YES YOU HEARD ME YOU LAZY BASTARD! YOU NEED TO DO MORE! or c) whatever else might need an extra boost of energy. Your capible of a lot and you know it. You shouldn't be being this destructive. Wake up!!
Okay... I'm sure telling yourself off isn't something normal... but sure. Okay. So lets do this.