If I leave myself away from people long enough a strange thing happens. Firstly I have an odd tantrum, consisting mostly of 'I don't want to be alone'. But eventually, if I pull away slowly enough and can then tolerate my own company again something very odd happens. I stop running. You know that rushing, snowball effect drama, stress and life can have? Its as if someone snaps there fingers and it all melts away. I can go where I wish. Do as I wish. And have to answer to no one. And I can find infinate peace in nothingness.
Bizzare no? I can say I've done my own thing since yesturday morning maybe before then actually, I'm not sure, and there it is. I am just myself I can dream, I can say what I wish and I can think how I like. I've no obligation to anyone but myself. And today I savour this feeling because eventually the bubble with burst.
For now the pain is far away, the hurt is numbed and seperate from myself. I am really a magician, an escape artist of sorts and strangely enough, leave me alone for long enough and the baggage vanishes, the memories of everything ever done in the past year are forgotten, the chaos subsides and out of that something else appears. And I like to think, that something else is myself. So for now at least, its nice to be lonely.
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