Breathe in and out... okay. Now its time to start talking. I've been trying to get my head around it all. Sure, its pretty simple really, pretty black and white. And maybe it's just been a long week but, I'm trying to be better and I'm trying to get past this all so that kinda starts with this.
Do you understand the horror of these words: Me or her. And if its me you don't see her anymore and if its her you don't see me anymore. And if you don't make a decision, I'll asume you have and you won't see me. And the person your looking at is the person you've been running around after for a long time, longer then anyone else, and there looking at you and you suddenly realise there not the person you thought they were. But they do exactly what you expect. Nothing. Completely nothing.
There was a dream once, that it could possibly work through everything. There was belief that it wasn't just a mess, that it was orchestrated chaos and it was going somewhere. Not just around in circles. And I'm so tired from it. The last year doesn't feel like a year, it feels like four or five, and I feel so stretched out and so defeated.
Bits of me feel so ruined and the entire world can see it, yes, I'm the idiot who chased after a girl with a girlfriend and lost. Never my luck. Its okay. Better off alone anyway. Next question is: How long am I gonna be picking up the pieces this time?
Its never fair. I'm always the idiot who gets smashed in half because I was too dumb to quit while I was ahead. Just give up. Clearly there is no fairytale. And I really do hope you two are very miserable together. Its okay though, because I have every faith that the universe will fuck you up the arse twice as hard as you fucked me up the arse. Have a nice day. :)
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